I grew up as a regular church attender with my family. My mom especially encouraged me in faith by instilling a belief in Jesus and a set of moral principles to follow. Despite all this, I was not a particularly well behaved child. Although my acts of mischief were relatively small, they were still sinful rebellions as I often acted with the knowledge that I was doing something wrong.

I was very afraid of being “sent to hell” as a kid, partially because of the “fire and brimstone” preacher who taught at our church but mostly, I think, because I was keenly aware that my life lacked a relationship with Jesus as a father and redeemer. I knew he was God’s son, that he was perfect and good and that he died for my sins but he was still a distant figure.

Over the summer before I turned 10, I went to a Christian camp where the gospel was of central focus, there I became a true follower of Christ. I had previously used Christianity as a sort of safety net for my fear; I didn’t want to change anything in my life, I certainly had no understanding of the incredible grace of Christ, I simply wanted to avoid hell. Yet Scripture teaches us that God loves us with a perfect love that casts out all fear.

When I truly began to follow Christ, I finally learned that salvation has nothing to do with my attempts to be “good” and everything to do with God’s amazing love. It was through this that Jesus became not the impersonal embodiment of a horrifying and holy standard but instead a friend whose unconditional acceptance I could rely on. I began reading the Bible daily after that. I used to find scripture dull, but I soon had a strong desire to read God’s word [the Bible] and learn from it. I also began to pray daily, and not just for simple requests as before; I began to thank God and praise him. I asked forgiveness for my sins, not out of some fear that I would be pushed away from his presence but out of a repentant heart that longed to please the friend I loved.

Unfortunately, as I grew older I began to lose interest in faith. As my church experienced trials through the loss of a pastor and no ready replacement I drifted away. Instead, I focused on school, various arts and my friends. None of these things were inherently bad but they weren’t my Savior. I hung out with people who challenged my faith and instead of growing stronger, or being a witness I was influenced by them and made some very poor decisions. After my senior year I was very lonely, and I again began to turn to God as the essence and source of life.

Renewed with a sense of purpose I entered college looking for other Christians to befriend and learn from. I was blessed to attend UAlbany, where there are many strong believers. I feel as if I’ve learned so much in the past two years, much of it related to the distressing reality of my own sin. However, I’ve also seen God’s amazing love for me, and all people, and am invigorated just thinking of it. The decision to follow Christ changes your life irrevocably, it is guaranteed to bring hardship ( as any other walk of life is bound to) but the troubles one faces as a Christian are met with the knowledge that Christ has gone before you, and walks with you as well. Christ offers this life of freedom to everyone, regardless of their past, with the all-encompassing love that only a perfect God could offer.

When I was finally out of high school and on my own, I couldn’t wait to live my own independent life. My parents were out of sight and out of mind. I lived a life like a non-believer. I did go to church occasionally but was up late all night partying. I would wake up and go to church the next day with the same clothes I went to the party with. Looking back at it now, I laugh at what a hypocrite I was. I proclaimed to everyone around me that I was a Christian, a follower of Christ but yet when asked who goes out to party the most in my suite, they would all point to me. I am Ashamed and disgusted with that now.

I was living this lifestyle for a while. That was until my church paid for me to go Urbana last winter break. Before going to Urbana, I knew I was living a life that was not led by Christ, but I chose to hide it. I chose to hide all my sins from my fellow Christ followers and especially tried to hide my sins from God.  That worked out for a while until God spoke to me!

During the trip in Urbana, we attended daily workshops. I went with the flow and did whatever everyone around me did. That was until one day, one of my workshops was closed due to too many people for the space provided. So I wandered around and sat down on a couch. I figured I could just sit there until dinner since I didn’t really think I would learn anything anyways. As that chain of thoughts went through my head, I heard a guitar playing. I went towards the room the music was coming from thinking, “I might as well sit in a room with entertainment instead of in silence alone.”

The music was coming from a worship room. I walked in and sat in the back. Everyone around me was either singing their lungs out or crying their eyes out. Either/Or; but nothing in between! When dinner was ready, I walked out of the room as soon as possible. I liked the songs but didn’t like the intense emotions in the room.

Two days later, I was back in the same room. There was this urge in me to go back and sit in there. As I sat down in the same seat, I let the music penetrate me. The lyrics spoke to me in ways I never heard or experienced before! One particular line was “here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, and here I am to say that you’re my God!”

At that point, my head just seemed to automatically bow in prayer; a prayer of confession. A week prior I was as prideful as one could be, and now repeatedly begging God to forgive me!

As I stood up and was about to leave the room, my feet led me to a prayer minister. I tried to walk the other way, but my feet kept doing their own thing. Next thing I knew, I was awkwardly confronted by a prayer minister. “Do you need a prayer?” she asked. I just nodded my head. That was when I started confessing to her about my sins and that I needed her to pray for forgiveness of me. As we prayed, she asked the Holy Spirit to come into me and to speak to me in any way possible. She prayed for me and stopped, she told me to listen for the Holy Spirit.

As I sat in silence, a voice came out from the silence. It said, “I know what you have gone through. I was with you the whole time. If your heart is willing and you are able, I will continue to be with you.”  Almost breaking down in tears, the prayer minister told me she saw an image in her head. It was an image of me walking around the world with a bible in my hand and glowing. My life was changed at this point! She anointed me with oil on my forehead and prayed for me again.

Out of all the famous and wonderful speakers in that huge event, those who flew in from half way around the world, God chose to speak to me in a much smaller environment, in a place that took me by surprise. I thank God for that.

I hope he takes you by surprise and changes your life too. It is the best thing that could ever happen to you!

I tried to fill my time with other things so I would have a good, legitimate reason why I could not go out. I started going to other school events; and I joined CA and Impact. I made many new friends with people who had other interests besides drinking. I began to hang out with them more often, so that I would not be tempted to go out. Just like my step-dad said, “If you want to succeed in life, surround yourself with successful people”. Proverbs 13:20 instructs us that “he who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm”.

I wanted to have a stronger relationship with God, and to be better example for others and better representative for Christ. With that in mind, I have been surrounding myself with spiritually strong people with similar values to mine. It was not easy at first, but eventually my friends started respecting my decisions,and stopped asking me to go to any parties. I also invited them to the events so that they could have clean wholesome fun, as well. I focused on my studies more and started getting better grades.

Being involved with CA has helped me become more confident in my faith and relationship with Christ, and I’m now involved in leadership training. I look forward to greater participation with this awesome group of friends who help me learn more about God every day.

If you are still caught up in the party life, it is never too late to change. Christ gave me the ability to better my life and fill it with overflowing joy. Christ offers comfort during the hard times and is always there to listen to your hardships.  He will lead you out of them if you listen and follow Him. If you have questions about God, Jesus, faith or just want to talk about life, you can contact CA anytime. We will be glad to speak with you.